Actually, I didn't write it recently, I found this post in my draft. I remember writing it on new year's eve just because, but I don't remember why I didn't publish it and so I edited some part of it.
When I was little there are 3 things I always imagine the most.
First, me being a pediatrician. It's literally my dream, to be a doctor, a pediatrician especially.
And now I'm not. I'm majoring computer science or so called informatics. I studied how to make a good software, how to design it, how to adopt human's brain into computer, make it safe, etc.
I remember how my mother always wish me to be a doctor on my birthday and in the end of my high school days I got accepted into computer science faculty without any test, but my report marks. Then I just simply deceived.
I didn't try any entrance exam after that, I forgot that I've been dreaming to be a doctor all the time, I kept saying to myself that it is what God gives to me. Now I'm too sober to realize it. How could I think like that when I didn't even try, how could I give up on my dream, and how could I even forget what was my real dream?
I shouldn't regret it by now, because no matter what, I've been living in fun these college days. I met good people, make friend, join into some organizations, get a position. I think I should be more grateful and live happily with people who I love, right?
Second, me living abroad.
By the time I wrote this post, I haven't even gone abroad. YET. I don't know why but I believe that the sky out there would be different with the sky I look into everyday here. I learn how to speak English with so much effort just because this imagination of mine. Now I live far far far away from my home, my parents, my country and indeed the sky is the same, but the atmosphere is somewhat different. Here I could feel the atmosphere of accomplishment. Finally.
Third, me dying young.
Did I watch to much telenovela when I was a child?! I remember that almost everyday I kept visualizing my self in the future will get sick and die in 20s and my family, friends, will be drown in tears. I don't know why this imagination came from at that time. In fact, I was a child who likes to do everything perfectly and hereinafter I would demand a perfect result (or feedback) as well. As I grew old, I found some occurrences where no matter how hard I try, the result will not always be like I want. Those occurrences kept bothering me and made me stressed, like I couldn't accept it to the point I don't want to live anymore. Those might be the reason why I visualized weird imagination back then. Despite of having this imagination once, fortunately I met people, befriend them, sharing thoughts, read some motivational quotes, and all of that helped me to realize that there is still sky above the sky. So, here I am now portray my self as a very outgoing and chill(?) person who really wants to live a long long long life. Meh.
Moreover, now I feel grateful that I am still here, writing, and reminiscing my stupid imaginations. Bye!
